In this episode of Life Intended, host Kelly Berry speaks with Dr. Julie Radlauer, an expert in the social influences of mental health, about the growing loneliness epidemic, its impact on mental health, and the power of social connections. Dr. Radlauer shares her research on how technology and social media are reshaping our relationships and what we can do to build stronger social ties. From understanding strong ties versus weak ties to actionable strategies for improving mental well-being, this episode offers practical advice for anyone looking to live a more connected and intentional life.
Dr. Julie Radlauer highlights the loneliness epidemic, emphasizing its direct impact on global mental health. She discusses how disconnection and social isolation have contributed to the mental health crisis, exacerbated by COVID-19. "We’re spending more time on screens than ever before, yet we're more disconnected," says Dr. Radlauer. Her work in behavioral and public health sheds light on the importance of addressing these issues on a community level.
One of the key takeaways from this episode is the negative impact excessive screen time has on our social bonds. Dr. Radlauer explains how social media and smartphones are reshaping relationships, particularly among young people. She shares a simple but eye-opening exercise: “When I do trainings, I ask participants to check their screen time. Most are shocked to see how much of their lives are spent on their phones.”
Dr. Radlauer introduces the concept of “strong ties” and “weak ties” and their importance in emotional well-being. Strong ties, those 3-5 close relationships, provide the support and connection needed to thrive, while weak ties are more casual acquaintances. She explains how to nurture these bonds and the vital role they play in our overall mental health. "It’s not just about quantity, it’s the quality of your social connections," she notes.
In her book Connect, Dr. Radlauer offers practical exercises to improve social ties and foster genuine connections. Kelly shares her own journey, describing how she used these tools to rebuild her community after several life transitions. Dr. Radlauer encourages listeners to "lean into your existing relationships" and be intentional about creating new ones, especially through shared activities that align with personal interests.
Dr. Radlauer touches on the challenges of raising children in a digital age. She stresses moderation and intentional use of technology to ensure children are building healthy social skills. For parents, she advises, "Recognize what brings joy and connection in social media and curate it intentionally." The conversation also covers guidelines for introducing children to social media responsibly.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (00:00)
But yes, we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic. It's closely aligned to our global mental health A lot of the activities that I do when I do trainings is helping people become aware of the things that they're doing that might be impacting their ultimate connections. And so you mentioned the smartphone, which is another advisory that the Surgeon General put out, is the social media advisory for young people, as well as adults. And oftentimes I'll sit with people and say, all right, pull out your phone. Let's look at your settings and look at your screen time and let's do a quick math calculation. And what you end up finding is, my gosh, I spent three months of my life on my phone.
Kelly Berry (00:25)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Hi friends, you're listening to Life Intended, a podcast that explores what it means to be true to yourself and live an authentic and purposeful life. I'm your host, Kelly Berry, and each episode of Life Intended explores my guests' version of personal growth, self -discovery, and the pursuit of becoming the best version of themselves so that you can take what you need and incorporate it into your life to live with more intention and authenticity. Whether you're seeking to develop your leadership skills, overcome challenges, or simply live a more fulfilling life, you will find guidance, motivation, and practical strategies to help navigate your unique journey. Today, I have an amazing expert on the podcast for you. Dr. Julie Rydler is a leading expert in the social influences of mental health and uses her experience to create impact within communities, systems, organizations, and individuals. She has extensive experience in behavioral health, public health, and organizational development, and she speaks internationally, is a TEDx speaker and a published bestselling author. Hi, Dr. Julie. Welcome to the podcast.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (01:49)
Hello, thank you for having me.
Kelly Berry (01:51)
tell us a little bit more about yourself. feel like I know you've been in your area of expertise in your field for a long time. And I know it's something, at least for my awareness, that has really become more widely known or more widely talked about in more recent years. So tell us a little bit about how you got into it and what it's looked like over the time that you've been in it.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (02:15)
And so I've been in behavioral health for over 25 years. I started off with my master's degree working in community mental health, working kind of like on the streets with families that were really struggling, families involved in systems like the child welfare system or the probation system, struggling in education. I've always specialized mostly with children and families. And I became really frustrated working in that space because people were coming in to get support and they would get, you know, work with a therapist or a case manager or, you know, psychiatrist and get the support that they needed. But once their situation stabilized and then they transitioned back into their life and not coming into treatment services, you know, three, six months later, they'd be right back needing the support of a system. And I thought, we're not doing something right.
And I found that really frustrating. So I went back to school and I got my doctor in public health. And in the public health arena, you really focus much more on the prevention side. Like if you think about what happened during the pandemic, there was a lot of talk about like, know, wearing masks so we don't get COVID or social distancing, so we don't spread the disease. It's like, let's prevent that from happening. And so I began to look at the prevention of mental health conditions and how do we get ahead of it? And one of the things that
that they also spend a lot of time talking about in the public health space is looking at inequities or disparities and how some people have better access to services or the services that they receive support them better based on their culture. And so I conducted a research study where I interviewed families from across the country, families that were African -American and said, is this system working for you? And if not, what's not working?
And overwhelmingly, they said, no, the system is not working. And they said that, based on our culture, we don't really want to work with somebody who doesn't look like us, who doesn't have the same experience, life experience that we've had. So we can't relate to them. And we really want to get our needs met through support mechanisms, through our family and our faith and our friends.
And so I began to really research that as an equitable response to how do we prevent mental health conditions is to help build up community. And that's when my research, I got into what I call the social influences of mental health, which really focuses on like creating social connections and social support, social capital, managing your social media and focusing on social inclusion.
And so I began to do research. This was all like pre -COVID and really learned a lot. The workbook that you spoke of, it's activities to teach people how to build their support, their connections, manage their social media, all of the things. I train professionals how they can connect better, differently with everybody.
regardless of your race, ethnicity, and whatnot, your life experiences, socioeconomic status, we all need to have connections in our life. And then since around the same time, we've experienced, as you mentioned, a pretty big uptick in diagnosable mental health conditions. It was happening pre -COVID, but COVID definitely exacerbated the situation. And now we're experiencing a global mental health crisis, which is largely connected to
a lack of social connections. And the Surgeon General of US has talked about how social connections are impacting our mental health, how social media is impacting our mental health, how parental mental health is struggling right now. So there are a lot of different things that we need to kind of all hands on deck, focus on so that we can support our own mental health and the mental health of those around us. And especially for me, for you, having young children, the mental health of our children.
Kelly Berry (05:46)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I did see recently that there was, guess, was it an advisory? What was put out for parents? I'm sure you're very in tune with what that was. What is it?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (06:20)
Mm
Basically, he just talks about how parents are really struggling and how parents are very stressed out given all of the challenges that they're experiencing with their children as well as from their own work lives and community lives and a lot of it is lack of connection and lack of support.
And so, you know, I'm very aligned with the research of the Surgeon General and the advisories that he puts out because that's what I was studying pre -COVID with social connections, social support. And so, you know, every time he puts something out, I'm like, yes, there's the information, there's the data that I needed to make my case. So it's, yeah, it's something that we do need to focus on because if we can build up our families, our children won't be struggling as much.
Kelly Berry (07:06)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So I recently, I told you about your workbook Connect. I've been reading it and going through it and it's awesome. And I pulled out a few things that I wanted to talk about specifically because, you know, personally, just to share some of my story, you know, I'm a mother to a young toddler. have, the past five years of my life have looked very crazy. I have actually the past like seven years I've moved to two different states.
We had the pandemic, I became a mother, you I lost my best friend to cancer. It's just, I've had a lot of things happen in this short amount of time, you know, not to mention just life happening through all of those spaces. And one of the things that I don't know, it just like hit me like a ton of bricks last year is that because I've moved states a couple of times, I am in this like bubble where, you know, I had friendships, I had very old friendships, but I hadn't nurtured.
a community and then I became a mother and you know, just didn't have that and so it was like, okay, now what do I do? And how do I get from where I am to where I think I need to be? And I was really starting to feel the effects, you know, mentally and even physically of what this looks like. one of the things I pulled out of your workbook is that one in three people are struggling with loneliness.
and loneliness is the greatest indicator of depression. And I think that that's -opening because we live in a world where everybody's connected to their phone and we think we're really connected, but the truth is, and the stats say that we're not. can you talk a little bit about what that looks like? What demographics does that affect the most and how do we take action on it?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (08:52)
Right. Well, you said so much there. So I just want to back up to say, you know, you're right to recognize how the transitions that you've experienced are impacting you. And good for you that you're aware of it and you're being very intentional about building a community, about seeking research and reading the material and trying to be intentional about your practice.
Kelly Berry (08:55)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (09:16)
And that's really a lot of what I talk about. People say like, well, OK, fine. If I meditate every day, that's just a bandaid. That's not going to change my mental health. Well, the research demonstrates that really only 20 % of people who are struggling with their mental health need medication or intensive therapy. The majority of people, 80 % of people who are struggling with mental health, their everyday actions can impact the way they feel.
Kelly Berry (09:42)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (09:43)
And it sometimes feels exhausting to have to wake up and meditate because you know if you don't, you're gonna have that pit in your stomach, you know, and that kind of thing. Yes, it does. But we know the same thing about physical health. If I don't exercise every day, well, you know, it's gonna have long -term effects on the way I feel. And so, yeah, sometimes it is exhausting unless you can find a way to incorporate that into, you know, your life and your world.
Kelly Berry (09:57)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (10:07)
But yes, we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic. It's closely aligned to our global mental health crisis. A lot of the activities that I do when I do trainings is helping people become aware of...
the things that they're doing that might be impacting their ultimate connections. And so you mentioned the smartphone, which is another advisory that the Surgeon General put out, is the social media advisory for young people, as well as adults. And oftentimes I'll sit with people and say, all right, pull out your phone. Let's look at your settings and look at your screen time and let's do a quick math calculation. And what you end up finding is, my gosh, I spent three months of my life on my phone.
Kelly Berry (10:34)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (10:50)
And know, and so if you spend three full months of your life on a box, even though you're connecting with other people, you're not connecting. And it's a different kind of connection. It's not the same kind of connection that gives you the endorphins that you need that you get when you're face to face with somebody, right? So we have dopamine that from our brain that goes into our body. And when you spend time with people and you have human touch, a hug, something like that, you have increased level of dopamine when you're just on your phone, not necessarily.
And so we want that because that's what makes us feel good. It's the happy, you know, it's the happy drug. So, you know, I think that I love that you're pointing out some of the stats that you find like relevant to, you know, your situation as well as to other people. And thank you for using the book.
Kelly Berry (11:24)
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, last night I was reading it too and I saw you, you know, like doing the math of social media. Like look at your screen time, look at it for the week, multiply that by for the year. And you know, most of us are spending between like 60 to 90 full days on our phones a year. And that was like, what? And you know, I've shared this recently on social media. I'm trying to like take back control of my days and like move my...
days into alignment with the life that I want to live. So I've recently decided I was just going to stop checking social media or email before 9am. Because I'm an early riser, I'm awake for a long time before I get to that 9am. It's probably not going to work for me long time, but the first week that I did it, my screen time was down 67%. Yeah, and I was like, that was eye opening too, but really it was just the exercise was for me to take back like
Dr. Julie Radlauer (12:26)
Wow.
Kelly Berry (12:35)
the control of the first thoughts that I get in the morning, whether it's stressful emails or just looking through social media, wasting time, comparison, all of the things. But that's been an eye -opening exercise for me. Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (12:51)
Yeah, I love that exercise. And I love also when people do an audit of how they feel when they're watching or engaging in social media. Because there are some things you see that make you feel, eh. And then there are other things that make you laugh. And if you were very intentional about recognizing what are the things that bring you joy on social media, like watching puppies or things like that, something silly and frivolous, well, and you can unfollow the things that
Kelly Berry (12:56)
Mm
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (13:21)
don't bring you joy and like more of the things that do bring you joy than watching social media. You're taking control. You're not letting an algorithm decide how you're going to feel, right? You're taking control of the things that you're using social media for. It's a tool that's here to stay. It makes our lives very productive. And so we just have to learn to see it as a tool.
Kelly Berry (13:28)
Mm
Mm
Mm -hmm. Yeah. So what...
What would you say is like, you know, I'm 43, a woman, a mom to a young child. When we're talking about loneliness and relationships and like the demographics that it's affecting, is there a demographic that it's affecting the most or like who's most at risk when we're talking about this?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (14:04)
Well, I mean, in terms of all of the social influences and loneliness, definitely our elderly population experiences high levels of loneliness. There's a whole arm of research just on senior loneliness because the struggle is real. know, when you physically can't move around the way you used to and the only way you can have human connection is if somebody comes to visit you, then you lose outside connection. And that is definitely a challenge. Certainly vulnerable populations.
Kelly Berry (14:10)
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (14:35)
You know, people who have disability, you know, they don't have connection. Our young teenage girls are struggling the most with social media and they have much higher outcome of depression, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, eating disorders, all of the things. And a lot of that is attributed to access to social media. But what concerns me the most is young people.
Kelly Berry (14:43)
Okay.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (15:00)
because when you are spending time on this device or any device, television, YouTube, know, it changes, you know, until you're 25, your brain is learning and growing and changing. And it literally, the more time you spend on social media, it changes the way that your brain functions.
It changes your neuroplasticity and the way that you learn and the way that you think. And so when young people spend time on social media and you go to a restaurant and the baby's screaming and the parents hand them the cell phone and then the baby's quiet because they're watching the cell phone and you think like, that's lovely because now we can all have a nice quiet dinner. What's happening to that child? And so it's hard to be a parent when other people's
Kelly Berry (15:41)
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (15:47)
children have access to these things and you're trying to kind of hold the line. The same thing happened to me when my one of my sons was entering high school.
and he didn't have social media. had a phone when he started middle school, he got a phone, but you know, to communicate when to pick him up and that kind of thing, but he didn't have any social media. And when he started high school, the first day of high school, he's sitting at a table with people he really didn't know. And in lunch, all of the kids picked up their phones and started, they were all on Snapchat and started, you know, chatting with each other and he didn't have the app.
And he's like, mom, I'm sitting at the table with six people and they're all communicating with each other and I can't talk to them. And I'm sitting right in front of them. And I was like this, I'm leaving him behind. I can't do that either. That's not the right choice. So that frustrates me because there's school shouldn't have cell phones.
Kelly Berry (16:32)
Mm
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (16:45)
Kids should be there to learn and to interact with each other. And then, you know, when you do study, like I was reading a study where they interviewed families from across the country to find out like how they feel about children having cell phones in at school. And would they be OK with the children not having cell phones at school? they're like, no, it's a safety issue. I need to know. God forbid something happens in the school. My child doesn't have a way to contact me. You know, if if something's happening in a school.
it's a you should not be picking up your phone because that's drawing attention to yourself. So children shouldn't be accessing their phones. That's one of the things they tell them in school. And God forbid there's some kind of an issue. And also then we asked families like, well, what are you trying to contact your children about during the day anyway when they're at school? And it was like, what do you want for dinner? You know, so let's not do that, you know.
Kelly Berry (17:15)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. Like how many years prior to now were people able to make decisions like that without getting input? Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (17:43)
Yeah, so it's hard. I get it. As a parent, it's really hard. But I love how the surgeon generally laid out some guidelines about, do not allow your children under this age to be on the phone, you know, or, you know, social media or anything like that. So I appreciate that.
Kelly Berry (17:55)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it's one of those things as a parent of a young child, you know, I'll say probably two things about it. One is you get so many mixed messages on social media, like, you know, no social media for your child, no screen time, no whatever. And then you get the other side where it's like, you need to take care of yourself as a parent. It's okay if like that requires you putting your child in front of an iPad for an hour or whatever it is. So you get these like,
It's this pull of is it my health or the child's health that's more important is basically what the decision that you're making. And the other part of it is, what was I going to say? There were two sides of it. Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (18:36)
Right.
I mean, that's a really good, like, just right there is a really good, I can see the discrepancy there. And I'm lucky enough that I'm just like probably a generation ahead of you. Like nobody knew it was bad. So I was able to stick my kids in front of TV. They didn't live there, but I didn't feel guilty about letting them watch a show.
Kelly Berry (18:59)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (19:07)
And now, you know, it's hard as a parent because we have all this science that says don't do it. And you're kind of in this position of like, especially if you're like, you know, trying to do, trying to work a little bit, you know, like, and so how, you know, how can you physically do that? You can't. So there's something has to give. And it's, yeah, it's a really difficult dilemma.
Kelly Berry (19:10)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
then the whole to your point about, know, like if you hold the line and decide you're gonna do this because the science tells you, you know, like people shouldn't have social media before they're 16 or 18 or whatever it came out is and all of these things, but all of their friends are doing it. And then you're the evil one. you have any advice for parents who are...
like navigating that when should I get my child a cell phone or when should I let them be on social media.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (19:58)
Well, I think really it always comes down to moderation. And that's the key. If you have a child who all of my friends are on it, OK, well then we're going to do this together. It's going to be 30 minutes a day. There'll be certain times that you can check it. And then you have apps that require that if the child is not on there, they miss their opportunity, or they get further lower in the ranks. And it gets, you
Teenagers all in a fluster because you know, they're not as cool as the other person who's allowed to just sit on their You know their phone all day long but Allowing them to explore I think is good, you know, like what I learned from my son with that situation and we said, okay So if you want to have snapchat, that's fine, you know, I was like that one, but okay That's fine, but we're gonna be regulating it, you know
Kelly Berry (20:33)
Mm
Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (20:48)
you can do it at these times of the day. And if you don't do that, if you don't follow that, then the app comes off. you know, because we don't want you just sitting there, it sucks you in. It is addictive. You know, like there's a whole thing, a whole research study that talks about how it does something like it captures and scatters you. Right. So it's like you, catches your attention and then it scatters your attention. It scatters your brain so that you can't move on. And then when you see something that you like, it gives you this big dopamine rush, which feels really good.
Kelly Berry (20:55)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (21:18)
and then you post something and nobody likes it so you don't get that dopamine rush because nobody has liked it and then you feel really sad. Right? And I mean there's studies that prove this, you know, chemically in your body that this is what happens and so, you know, how much do we want to do that to ourselves?
Kelly Berry (21:26)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah, or allow that same feeling to happen to your child because for them it's probably magnified, you know, because it is I think you describe it as social capital. Is that is that what that is? What does what does that mean? And how does that show up?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (21:44)
No!
Mm -hmm.
Well, I social capital is really about access to resources to people, places and communities. So, you know, one of the things in our world that we've really gotten away from is expanding social capital. you know, attendance in faith based organizations has decreased significantly.
And that's a source of community. So if you think about what are the things that we could do over the weekend that could keep my children occupied, going to church might be one of those things, or temple or synagogue or mosque or whatever. You know what I mean? Those are the things that people used to do where they were face to face.
Kelly Berry (22:22)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (22:27)
and being together with other humans. And now we're not going to church, but we might hop on a Zoom for convenience sake, for a church service or the sermon or something. And that's not good either. So if we can kind of, I don't want to say get back to old school values, but do the things that we used to do that create senses of community and continue to build our social capital, then we feel a sense of belonging and mattering.
Kelly Berry (22:41)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (22:55)
which all of those things increase our happiness.
Kelly Berry (22:58)
Increased happiness and another stat that I read in your workbook was, we live 3 .67 years longer when we have stronger social Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (23:08)
I know. And our social connections are decreasing. 30 years ago, everybody had, well, the average was that you had three healthy connections and now we have two. So we're really decreasing. And in particular, struggle a lot with their mental health and their social connection numbers are less than women's. So that's another area that needs to be concerned about.
Kelly Berry (23:18)
Mm
Mm
Yeah. So if somebody listening or like if just we want to improve social connections in our lives, I know the workbook talks, it gives you a ton of exercises and audits and things to help you figure out where you are. But what are some like tangible steps that you can take to start either like assessing the relationships that you have to maybe see are they the right ones? Or if you're looking to make new friends or join new communities like
How can you do that effectively?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (24:04)
think it's really important to lean into your existing relationships. Like you said, you were so busy and moving and you kind of lost touch with some of those people that used to be important to you. And that happened to me when I had young children, because I was frenetic, running around with three children under the age of three. And a few years in, I realized, I haven't talked to my college friends in a really long time. it was just this, I need to be intentional about reconnecting.
Kelly Berry (24:27)
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (24:33)
with people that give me support, whether that's family members or friends. You know, another thing is to focus on your interests and the things that you like and to incorporate that into your life. Because like say I like art and I feel like I'm feeling lonely and or feeling like I really don't have a connection is, well, is there an art class I can go to? Because if I go to an art class, who else is going to be at that class? Other people who like art, right? You know, and what are we going to talk about?
Kelly Berry (24:58)
people who like art. right.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (25:03)
You know, so like we will have a connection just by virtue of our commonality. So I will incorporate the things that I enjoy.
Kelly Berry (25:07)
huh.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (25:10)
I'll be with people who also enjoy the same things. So there's a pretty good chance that those people will become my people. There will be people that we have in common. just thinking about something, if you're feeling isolated, thinking about something that you wish you had more of in your life, a hobby or an interest, and even if you're really super busy, building that into you, recognizing it's important.
Kelly Berry (25:16)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (25:33)
and building it into your schedule. I mean, for you with young children, I always suggest like mommy and me or even just hanging out at the park, but mommy and me is a really good way just because the parents are all sitting there and the kids are like a little bit distracted by the activities and it really gives moms a chance to talk to other moms.
Kelly Berry (25:42)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (25:56)
It's like, you know, you're sitting right next to somebody and their baby's doing something silly and you're gonna laugh with them and then the next thing you know, you're laughing together. And then the next thing you know, you're gonna grab a cup of coffee afterwards or let's go to the park afterwards. And then that's how friendships really build. And so it's a time in your life with young children that to incorporate that and, you know, one morning of a week into your schedule where you'll be around other people who...
Kelly Berry (26:03)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (26:22)
are going through the same struggles that you're going through right now, which it is a really difficult time, know, a difficult period to have young ones at home.
Kelly Berry (26:24)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah, so if You know, I think this is where I was Was thinking that I had a lot of connections, but in reality I didn't really so are there certain like symptoms or ways that people are feeling that let them know that maybe Even though you think that you have this good like social health or relational health that that it's not really what you think it is
Dr. Julie Radlauer (26:56)
Hmm. Yeah, so there's something called strong ties and weak ties. so, you know, weak ties, we can have up to 30 weak ties, you know, and those are just like people like friends, acquaintances, right. But then you it's recommended to have three to five strong ties. And strong ties are like your people that if I needed somebody to pick me up.
Kelly Berry (27:17)
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (27:19)
because I had a flat tire, that's going to be my person. And so we want to have three to five strong ties because then we have a safety net. It allows us to do things, take risks in life, and continue to be successful if something happens. And so really it's kind of doing an assessment about like, look at what I do is one of the activities that I love to do with people is to think about the different aspects of your life or domains in your life. And to think about in each domain,
Kelly Berry (27:22)
Mm
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (27:48)
Do I have a person? And so if you think about in your work life, is there one person that you could lean on? Well, I work by myself, but I do have a lot of contracts and people that I work with. And yes, I have work people that I could call and say, can you just help me? I need somebody to do this for me, somebody to do this with me, right? Think about in your home life, your family. If you're feeling upset about something, is there somebody that would be there for you? Your spouse, your parent.
Kelly Berry (28:07)
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (28:16)
your dog. Think about your extended family, know, somebody who doesn't live with you but is still family, a cousin or an aunt or a grandparent, mother. Yes. Okay.
Think about in your faith community, if you're part of a faith community, is there somebody there? The pastor or the youth pastor or my aunt that also goes to the same church, good. Think about in your neighborhood, if you're walking around your neighborhood, is there one person in your neighborhood that if you needed something, they would be there for you? Florida is a pretty transient place and people don't really talk to their neighbors unless there's a hurricane, but is there one person or is there not? You know what I mean? And so if you go through every domain and every aspect of your life,
It helps you recognize either one of two things. Either one, I actually do have people, I'm just not reaching out to them. And that's on me. And I need to figure out how to ask for help or how to connect. Or the other thing you might realize is in every aspect of your life, you don't have people that you can lean on, the people that would be there for you. In which case you need to become intentional about building it. And so what does that look like? Well, say I haven't been going to a faith community.
Kelly Berry (29:22)
Mm Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (29:27)
But I used to. Okay, well then I'm going to actively seek some kind of spirituality or faith community if it's something that's important to me and put it back in my life because that's where a lot of people get support.
Kelly Berry (29:35)
Mm
Yeah. Yeah. I think it's easy, which is, yeah, I think it's easy to feel like, well, I'm so busy. I don't have time to go back and do that. Or I don't have time to meet somebody for coffee or meet somebody for lunch. But it's like anything, you know, it's going to be hard either way. Like it's going to be really hard if you get in a situation and you need like your community or something and you don't have one. And it's going to be hard to create one when you don't have one. So, you know, like
choose your heart, I kind of hate that phrase, but at the same time, it's like, you know, if you're gonna say I'm too busy or this really isn't all that important to me, then a time is gonna come because times do come where you're gonna need something like this and it's gonna be really important for you to have it.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (30:29)
Exactly, I agree. I agree. And it's also, it's a investment you're making in yourself. You know, we invest in ourselves in so many ways, but we don't really value this until you don't have it. Right? So it's just an ongoing investment that we need to make, just like going to the gym, you know, keeping up with your friends should be just like exercise, because it's good for you mentally.
Kelly Berry (30:31)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah. Mm -hmm. So are there characteristics of a strong tie that you need to be looking for or make sure they're there so that you know, this is a person that I have?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (31:07)
You know, there's different people have different functions in our lives, right? And so like, for some people, like my strong tie needs to be somebody that's gonna go out with me when I wanna, you know.
blow off some steam on a Friday night. That's my strong tie. For other people, my strong tie is gonna be like, I really need somebody that can just come to my house and hang out with me when I'm having a rough day, or make me soup when I'm not feeling well. So different people, different jobs in our lives. And so I think part of that is recognizing what are your priorities? I need somebody who's gonna be my rock that can watch my kids when I need to do something for work.
Kelly Berry (31:36)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (31:50)
I need somebody who might have fun with friend or my person that's going to motivate me to exercise or whatever your needs are, then you want to try to find those people or build those people into your life so that they are meeting whatever your needs are. And it's different for every person.
Kelly Berry (31:56)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah. So when we're talking about the loneliness epidemic and how it is an epidemic and it seems to be getting worse, what do you think the answers are to solving it or making a difference? How can we, as people, start to make a change?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (32:34)
I mean, that's a great question. And I believe in creating socially connected communities. I believe in creating socially connected schools. So, I mean, that's a lot of the work that I do is, you know, how do we in our place of work, in our neighborhood, in our school, create an opportunity for connection for people? And, you know, and who has the time to do it for everybody?
I don't know, but if you're doing it together, I mean, when I was when my kids were little, I was really passionate about, you know, everything being green and healthy, you know, eating healthy foods and my kids eating healthy foods. And, you know, I had a group of moms that all of our kids were around the same age. And we were kind of all part of like this local moms club. And we decided to create a little club for the kids called Sprouts.
and we got little t -shirts for the kids and we did things like beach cleanups and whatever. And that was just, came from our interest. Nobody had time, but it was something fun to do with the kids. We were all doing it together as moms and it brought people joy and it was meaningful to the environment and it taught our children good lessons. so things like that, where it's like, just find something that you're interested in and incorporate it into what you're already doing. You would be spending time with your children
Kelly Berry (33:44)
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (34:01)
anyway, right? So you could spend time like with them, like I used to joke because my children were young and I was like learning about Medicaid, so I used to like read my children the Medicaid manual as their bedtime story, you know? They didn't know what I was reading anyway, so as long as I said it with the right inflections, it was all good. And you know, but I could be sitting around doing that, or I could be sitting around doing something that's gonna be stimulating their brains and being with other people in community.
Kelly Berry (34:12)
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (34:29)
So creating opportunities for that or just joining in if you don't have the time to be the organizer, just joining in for things like that, you know, will create more of a connection for yourself as well as for others.
Kelly Berry (34:36)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So what, if you can share, like what projects are you working on right now or like what's kind of new and upcoming, up and coming in your field? Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (34:54)
in my world. Right now, I'm working on a project called Be Socially Connected, which is a six week cohort, like session for teens that are struggling with loneliness and isolation. It starts off, it's place -based, so it's like within a community, like within a city or within a school or something to that effect.
And basically, you identify youth that may be struggling with loneliness or isolation or anxiety or depression and teach them all about the social influences. So it's one hour a week on a virtual platform. You learn about building social connections. You learn how to create social support. You talk about building social capital. You learn to manage your social media. You spend time talking about social inclusion. And then the last session is you meet in person. So you take youth that were lonely and isolated
and struggling you in a safe safe way virtually they get to know each other and meet each other and breakout rooms and things like that and then the last session they're in person so now they have eight to ten friends
Kelly Berry (35:57)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (35:58)
in their community or in their school. And so I'm working with school systems and with community mental health providers to teach them how to use the curriculum so that we can kind of create this connections movement where kids are talking about how, you know, a lot of people talk about connections, but they don't know the how. And I think that that's kind of like my area of expertise, you know, with the book is like,
Kelly Berry (36:14)
Mm
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (36:26)
the just do the activities and the how will come to you because the whole book is about how and you know so many people are struggling but don't know what to do well there's lots of resources to figure out what to do you just have to be able to pick one and just start small and move forward so I'm really excited about that and we're in the research stage we did our first pilots and we're under evaluation so I'm excited to see so far the preliminary results are very promising.
Kelly Berry (36:36)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Awesome. So how do you get that out into the world? Do you work with nonprofits or schools directly? How does that whole thing work?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (36:57)
Yeah.
I do, I work with a lot of nonprofits and government entities. I haven't really put it out into the universe that much because we are just finishing up our pilot phase. So in the next year is when I'll be really looking to release it. But again, I'm invited to speak at conferences and I talk about and work with organizations when they're writing grants so that they can incorporate this.
Kelly Berry (37:08)
Okay.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (37:30)
material into their work and I work within communities that are struggling and bring my research to them.
Kelly Berry (37:36)
Yeah. So what are, because I know I have a lot of listeners who have young children, what are the age range that are most at risk for loneliness or even signs that you can surface or see from your own children if maybe this is something that they have going on?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (37:55)
Well, I mean, like you mentioned, one out of three people are experiencing loneliness. And so there's a good chance that people, know, young people are experiencing loneliness. I think a lot of that has to do with resiliency skills and teaching people the protective factors and social connections is one of them. Doing some work with Sesame Street to support young children and then caregivers and people that work with young children to teach them about
know, promoting social connections. But I'd say definitely middle school is a difficult time for kids. Always been. You know, those early teen years, it really always been a difficult time. Our college students are reporting that social isolation is challenge. The generation of youth that were, you know, in middle and high school during COVID are struggling a lot.
Kelly Berry (38:34)
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (38:54)
I think, you know, it's a conversation to have with your child. Have you ever felt lonely? Or telling them sometimes I feel lonely and have you ever felt that way? And just having an open conversation. The thing I like about talking about loneliness is it's one thing to say like, are you depressed? there's just, sadly, there's a stigma around that and people don't want to admit it.
There's a little bit of that with loneliness, but since it seems to be more universal, people are more comfortable talking about it, especially when you share an example. Like, I feel lonely when you're in the house, but your bedroom is closed and I'm sitting in the living room by myself. That makes me feel lonely. Have you ever felt lonely? You know, and then letting your child, you know, there's so many ways that you can connect with your children, even using the platforms. Like one of my sons, used to love to watch, you know, like TikTok.
at the end of the day, like it's like his thing. He wanted to like, you know, relax. And I would say like, okay, you can have like, you know, 20 minutes by yourself, but then I want to sit down and let's watch together. And I would say to him like, show me the funniest video you watched today.
And then he would show me his video and like that tells me one what he's watching, which is nice for me to know. But also we can connect over that and laugh over it. And then I would show him one of mine and be like, wow, you're so old. That's not funny. The old people yelling at each other or whatever I'm watching that I think is funny. you know, so you can use some of these things that we're worried about to actually connect.
Kelly Berry (40:05)
Mm
Mm -hmm
Is there a difference, a big enough difference to matter between feeling lonely and feeling left out?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (40:29)
think they both make you feel crummy, right? They really do. I would say some people who feel left out do feel lonely. Like they feel lonely that their friends are doing something that they're not doing. And I don't know that we necessarily have to differentiate, but that's a really good question. I feel like I would want to look into that a little bit more.
Kelly Berry (40:32)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, I'm just thinking like as you know, if I think about middle school, Kelly, because middle school is the worst time in life for a girl or for anybody really. But, you know, there was a lot of like feeling left out, but I'm not sure if I would have described it as lonely and, know, maybe like left out or jealous or whatever. So as you were talking, I was just curious to would a child describe it as lonely or would they?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (40:57)
Period.
Kelly Berry (41:16)
use other words and does it matter enough in that conversation that they're talking about it in a different way.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (41:23)
Just having a conversation is a beautiful thing, right? So seems like we are kind of afraid to talk about emotions with our kids sometimes. When they're younger, it's easier because you're talking about mad, sad, glad, like they're pretty, you know, what you see is what you get.
Kelly Berry (41:24)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm
Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (41:38)
But as you get older and the language becomes a little bit more complicated, I love Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart, where she really just describes emotions so beautifully. It's such a great tool to help us get in touch with our emotions, but really to be able to explain emotions to other people, especially young people. But yeah, I think any conversation that you have.
Kelly Berry (41:47)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (42:00)
is a good one and feeling left out stinks and just to be able to be present with them, you know, not like, don't worry about it. You'll be invited the next time. But just like, I hate that feeling. I remember when I was in middle school, I felt left out. Like that really sucked, you know, and that they if we can just be present in that, then we're helping the person that's we're talking to.
Kelly Berry (42:02)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, yeah, a lot of good stuff in there. I love, you know, I think I've had this realization that this is an area of life to focus on, but I really love like the research behind what you do to prove that it's worth the work and the effort to make these changes and make these investments in your life and your relationship because there are real tangible like health benefits, life, you know, longevity benefits, all of these things. It's just, it's crazy how much
you know, social and relational health matters to your physical health and everything else like that.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (42:57)
Yeah, I mean, I really, you know, it feels a little fluffy, you know, to talk about like the social influences of mental health. It just does, you know, I didn't like, okay, I'm a researcher, how did I get to this space where this feels so fluffy? But in reality, there's so much science behind it that people just don't realize. I mean, even now, doctors are prescribing, they have social prescriptions, where they're prescribing you to spend time with other people, recognizing that it has an impact on your physical outcomes.
Kelly Berry (43:06)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (43:27)
physical health outcomes. And so I love that we're beginning to really recognize that it needs to be incorporated into everything that we do. within organizations, if you're going to be working virtually, OK, but what's the plan for bringing people in person to connect? Fine, if we're going to work virtually, when will we be in person? Those kinds of things, I think, just we need to incorporate into our everyday actions whenever possible.
Kelly Berry (43:27)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, yeah, I agree. Well, thank you so much for sharing and all of the things. you, if somebody listening wants to find you or connect with you, what's the best platform for them to follow along and see what the work that you're doing?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (44:09)
Thank you. Well, yeah, so you can definitely find me on like Instagram or LinkedIn here I'm talking about how bad social media is but there's my social media stuff We can put that in the I know it's terrible when I do presentations I'm like at the end connect with me and here's my social And then you know my websites, you know collectively us or Julie Radlauer calm
Kelly Berry (44:25)
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (44:33)
And of course the book connects 100 ways to create happiness in your life is always great. hopefully you can put all that into the show notes.
Kelly Berry (44:41)
Yep, it'll all be in the show notes and I can give my endorsement of Connect. I'm kind of like just working through it, but it's very interesting, eye -opening. really, if this is important to you and you're an area of your life that you're working on, it makes it feel like there are tangible things that you can be doing to make a difference without just being like, well, maybe I should go to a networking lunch. It's like, what do I really need to be doing to be making a difference?
Dr. Julie Radlauer (45:11)
think that's very, what you just said is really important. It's one thing to just do things because that's what you think you should do. Go hang out at the park.
But if you're not a person that can strike up conversation with a complete stranger, going and hanging out with a partner is not going to be a way for you to build connections. So recognizing what your strengths, interests, and talents are, and then matching that in a way. So I'm more of a one -on -one kind of person, so I'm going to sign up for an art class. Or I'm more of a group person, and so I'm going to go someplace where groups gather, like team sport or something like that. But recognizing where you get your support from.
Kelly Berry (45:19)
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Dr. Julie Radlauer (45:49)
and nurturing yourself in that way.
Kelly Berry (45:51)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing your time and everything like that. I will include all of your links in the show notes and I definitely encourage everyone to follow and keep up with what Dr. Julie has to say because it's important and the science and the statistics tell us that. So we can all do our part. Yeah.
Dr. Julie Radlauer (46:11)
Thank you. Thank you so much. love what you're doing and I love the show. So thank you.
Kelly Berry (46:16)
Well thank you so much, I appreciate it. Have a good day.
Kelly Berry is a strategic business leader and business coach. She is known for her operational excellence and her ability to drive growth and results across multiple industries.
She is also hosting her own podcast, Life Intended.
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