In this episode of Life Intended, I had the pleasure of speaking with Maye Angelastro, a licensed mental health counselor who brings invaluable insights into the silent struggles many women face in their late 30s and early 40s. The unique perspective of this discussion revolves around the often-overlooked emotional and hormonal upheavals that accompany this life stage and the critical importance of understanding and addressing these challenges holistically.
As women approach their late 30s and early 40s, they often experience a myriad of emotional and hormonal changes that are not readily apparent through conventional medical tests. These changes can manifest as sudden bouts of anxiety, unexplained fatigue, and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction or restlessness. The key takeaway from my conversation with Maye is that these feelings are often not linked to identifiable life events but are instead rooted in the natural hormonal shifts occurring in the body.
A common theme Maye encounters in her practice is the identity crisis many women face during this period. After years of focusing on career, family, and other responsibilities, women often find themselves questioning their sense of self and purpose. This can lead to feelings of being stuck or a desire to reinvent themselves, which, if not addressed properly, can result in impulsive decisions like initiating a divorce or making drastic career changes.
CBT is an evidence-based approach that Maye strongly advocates for. It helps in reshaping negative thought patterns and developing healthier coping mechanisms. This form of therapy is particularly effective in addressing the irrational fears and anxieties that often accompany midlife changes.
Maye emphasized the profound impact of nutrition and gut health on mental well-being. Since serotonin, a key neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation, is largely produced in the gut, maintaining a healthy diet is crucial. Maye recommends focusing on a balanced diet rich in probiotics and prebiotics to support gut health, which in turn can help mitigate anxiety and depression.
Having a strong support system is indispensable. Maye advises cultivating friendships with women at different life stages. This provides a well-rounded perspective and helps normalize the emotional rollercoaster many women experience. Friends who have already navigated these changes can offer invaluable advice, while those going through the same phase can provide a sense of camaraderie and mutual support.
One of the most common, yet drastic decisions women make during this period is initiating a divorce. While this can sometimes be the right choice, it is crucial to ensure that such a significant decision is not a reaction to temporary symptoms of hormonal imbalance.
Maye suggests planning intentional retreats as a way to reset and recharge. These should be purposefully designed to provide solitude and introspection, allowing women to reconnect with themselves without the distractions of daily life.
Seeking the help of a therapist can be a transformative step. Maye encourages finding a therapist who is client-centered and can tailor the therapy to the individual's journey. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to “date” therapists to find the right fit.
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Kelly Berry (00:00) Hi friends and welcome back to Life Intended. I'm your host, Kelly Berry. Life Intended is a podcast that explores what it means to be true to yourself and live an authentic and purposeful life. Each episode explores my guest's version of personal growth, self -discovery, and the pursuit of becoming the best version of themselves, as well as how to find the joy in the journey. I have Maye Angelastro on the podcast. May is a skilled, compassionate, empathetic, bilingual, and solutions oriented licensed mental health counselor dedicated to maximizing an individual's potential. Using her expertise in behavioral and positive psychology, she coaches and counsels individuals on the practical ways to achieve and maintain transformation, expansion, and consistent growth. May is an effective motivator and communicator with an inherent ability to manage all types of personalities, defuse stressful situations, and proactively resolve issues. May is known for her innate ability to establish a rapport quickly, build trust, and relate to individuals on all levels. When May isn't changing lives, you can find her enjoying life as a wife and mother of two young children in Windermere, Florida. She loves rosé, friendship, family, and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. Hi May, welcome to the podcast. I'm thrilled to have you on today. I cannot wait for this conversation, so welcome.
Maye Angelastro (01:19) Hello Kelly, thank you for having me. This is actually gonna be really fun.
Kelly Berry (01:33) It is. I'm excited and selfishly, I think that I'm going to get a lot out of this I met you and we started talking about the podcast, you know, this is a conversation I think that we're going to have today that is going to be extremely impactful. It affects so many of my listeners. I think I have a lot of listeners that are at or around my slash our ages. And I'm excited to just introduce the topics that you're going to speak to and that you're an expert on and I can't wait to share that with everybody.
Maye Angelastro (02:05) I'm excited.
Kelly Berry (02:07) Yeah, it is exciting. So talk a little bit more about your background, your practice, and who you work with mostly.
Maye Angelastro (02:17) So I'm a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida I have a group private practice. We have two locations. We have one in central Florida, which is in Orlando. And our second location is in Jupiter, Florida. I work with, let's see, I work with anybody from zero to 99 is what I like to say. You know what I mean? I work with children. I work with individuals. I work with females, couples, marital everything across the have different counselors, staff, and we see, we treat EMDR, we treat anxiety, depression, trauma -informed, the whole nine, mood disorders, everything that's related with mental health counseling. We also have kind of like a side of coaching because we believe in being preventive and proactive. So a lot of our clientele does come before the problems become too serious. They tend to come to us to prevent anxiety or prevent depression or things in the nature, in the mental health.
Kelly Berry (03:23) For everybody listening and myself included, can you tell me how you interpret or view the difference in coaching and therapy?
Maye Angelastro (03:32) Absolutely. I feel like, well, therapy is directed to a mental health disorder. Coaching is more we say coaching, it depends who you're talking about, because you can get coaching in anything. You can get coaching in baseball, in sports, in life, and things like that. So when you, for us, the difference between a coach who's also a counselor, you kind of are working or concentrating in the preventive care of things.
Kelly Berry (03:59) Okay.
Maye Angelastro (03:59) You're not necessarily working on an illness, a mental health illness or disorder. Counseling is specifically with disorders. You know, we talk about the cognition, we talk about the behaviors and things like that. Coaching is short -lived and is very action -oriented and it helps you with you feeling stuck in something to kind of like help you move past it, but it's very superficial. Counseling goes much deeper.
Kelly Berry (04:04) Okay, great. I think that's helpful. I think, you know, I'm a believer in both, to be honest. I think that there's so much value that you can get in both. I do think it's important that you find somebody in either arena that you can relate to and that can meet you where you're at. But I do believe that both are just incredibly valuable and can really, you know, just help you overcome things faster, easier know, all of that. You don't have to figure it out on your own. Somebody else has the answer, knows the answer.
Maye Angelastro (04:57) And you know, and that's the thing, that's the thing, especially after the pandemic, you know, we learned how to be, we were alone, right? And we were not connected with other people, just face to face. And the essence of connecting with others and seeing that you're not alone, many, many, many times, we underestimate how our brain automatically tells us, you're the only one going through this. you're going through this because you don't know what you're doing.And even me as a licensed counselor, like I literally was on Google last night finding out how do I tell my 11 year old to stop eating so much without hurting her feelings or giving her some sort of an eating disorder because you really do think that you're alone in this. And when you talk to the people, you're like, this is normal. It's like, yeah, we talk, we find out that you're not the only one.
Kelly Berry (05:46) Exactly. I know you and I have had a conversation before where we were talking about relational health in general. And I think, you know, relationships are so important in our lives and mental health has become a much more widely acceptable topic to discuss these days. And, you know, I think everybody is more knowledgeable and understanding of the role that it plays in your life. And, you know, I think everybody has a fairly good understanding, like physical health and wellness. But that relational component, I think, is undervalued right now, or at least the work that goes into that, because you have so many dimensions of relationships in your that feeling of connectedness and there's a lot of value in community of that. So I don't want that to be a tangent, but it is, I think, something that you find valuable as well. Absolutely, and it goes both ways. Like it's just not at least with me and even with my clients like it is it goes both ways I learned from my clients and and I say that to all of my clinicians and like listen the clients teach you something I don't ever and our clinicians here are the same way like we're very client centered so it's like we learn from their life experience and And that's a two -way street. They come to us for their reasons, but we learn from them as well. I
Kelly Berry (06:55) Yeah. So what I want to talk to you today about and really dig into are like, what are the issues clients that you work with, like in our demographic. So I'll, I think we're around the same age, early forties. I think a lot of my listeners are too. So what do you see is most common in women our age.
Maye Angelastro (07:40) Oof. So our age is very challenging right now because around this age, and I would say early 40s, it could be your late 30s and your early 40s, we with certain urges and different emotional roller coasters that we don't necessarily understand where it's coming from. And one of the things that I love to say is like, I love the 30s, right? Because when you, the frontal lobe gets fully developed at 25. So in your 30s, you knew exactly what you wanted. In your 30s, you were a go -getter. In your 30s, you were consumed. We wanted to create a life and go full force. And then your early 40s hit. And the sense of identity crisis happens. We want to reinvent ourselves. We have this, sometimes even this anxiety comes out of nowhere. Like people who never suffer from anxietystart suffering from anxiety and have this sense of doomeness that comes every night and visit. That's something that I see a lot here in the office. Insecurities as far as like this need to put yourself first because you have neglected yourself for so many years for different reasons, whether it was because you were a wife or you were a child or you were a mother. And during this time, most of the females have children that start at school or already in lower school, like elementary school age kids. And then you wake up and you're like, so who am I? What am I? What is my purpose here? And also another thing that has come up is the need to run away. And that has been very hard for the females to talk about. It's this need to just want to be in an island alone with nobody. And many act on that feeling and I see the rate for divorces started by females, you know, wives that want to get a divorce. That feeling starts around this age. me, I just feel like there's this trend at the same age of everybody going through the same thing. And I think it's hormones. I think that it is definitely hormones. I, you know, I'm 43. I have experienced, I think, all of it. And it wasn't until my therapist mentioned it to me. And she's like, Mae, how old are you? And I tell her, and she's this may be hormonal. And I'm like, no freaking way. I was like, you can't say, no, I want it to be controlled. I want to be able to control it. Don't tell me that it's something I can't control, you know? And then I started paying attention. And yes, I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I think there's something here for us females going through these changes that is not talked about. And we are probably going through it and not identifying it.
Kelly Berry (10:32) Yeah, so that feeling of running away, how do people describe that? Or, you know, if it's something that's very hard for them to talk about, if they don't recognize it as that yet, how do they talk about it?
Maye Angelastro (11:12) They want to go away for a weekend to a hotel by the beach because this is Florida and want to leave the phone off and know that the children are worth taking care of and have the husband not there and just not be just be off the radar. It's not described as I want to go and party. I want to go live it up. No, it's it's a sense of serenity.
Kelly Berry (11:15) Okay.
Maye Angelastro (11:41) Kind of like an ePray your love moment. And some people have been called to say, I want to have an ePray love weekend. Right here and then just enjoy it. And I actually remember vividly now that I said that when I had my ePray love weekend. And I called it just like that, not acknowledging or even realizing what was going on. I was in my late 30s. I wasn't even 40 yet. And I just felt like I just needed, my husband was worried. I was like, why do you feel like you need to get away from us? And it's not, it was not a matter of not loving them. And that's what my clients tell me. It's like, I just, I love my kids and I love my husband. I just want to be left alone for a weekend and just myself, what do I want? And a breather and kind of like not have anybody interrupt those thoughts.
Kelly Berry (12:41) Mm -hmm. Yeah. So does a weekend work or is that just a band -aid on a situation that needs more attention?
Maye Angelastro (12:52) A weekend will be a band -aid if you don't know the triggers, if you don't know where it's coming from. The weekend will work if it's intentional. Because I do believe in forms of retreats, you know, and they have to just be intentional. Because people that you left behind, can you imagine if you tell your husband, like, okay, I'm going to go away for the weekend and you can't find me, there's going to be doubt. There's going to be questions.
Kelly Berry (12:57) Okay.
Maye Angelastro (13:20) You know what I mean? So it has to be well planned and it has to be purposeful and intentional. So I think it will cause more harm than good if you don't know why you're doing it and the purpose and the intention behind it.
Kelly Berry (13:29) Okay, so what are some of the triggers?
Maye Angelastro (13:34) For specifically for feeling this way or?
Kelly Berry (13:37) Yes, yes.
Maye Angelastro (13:39) I actually spoke with an endocrinologist who was a really good friend of mine. And with my therapist help and her, I was able to understand what my triggers were. And there is this...
Kelly Berry (13:53) Okay.
Maye Angelastro (13:55) Hormonal change that happens that is not detectable to the doctor. So it is preventive care. at some point in your late 30s and your early 40s, you're just going to have this emotional coaster, emotional dysregulation or mood dysregulation that doesn't necessarily have a specific trigger. Except that what happens is that because our human brain needs to find a reason,
Kelly Berry (14:16) Okay.
Maye Angelastro (14:22 )We're going to start thinking about the things that's not working. And I don't know about you or any of the listeners, but having a life where everything is set in stone and everything is great and everything's going perfect, it's a little far -fetched. So if we want to look for what's missing in our lives and we want to look for what's not working, we can have millions of reasons why we feel the way we feel. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the cost. It could just be the symptom.
Kelly Berry (14:43) Okay, so what I heard you say a couple of things in there is one, is this mood dysregulation that happens to women around our age is not necessarily something that's gonna show up on like a hormone blood test. Okay, so we may not be able to find like proof for it, which I think can be hard to take for a lot of people when you're looking for why am I the way that I am or why am I feeling the way that I Okay.
Maye Angelastro (15:16) Correct and one of the Ways that I tend to compare this to is right now. I'll have an 11 year old daughter and Before like around 9 This little girl changed for me and she went from being a sweet little girl to somebody who I couldn't recognize anymore and there was this she would be emotional and she would be angry and all of this emotions that you can actually get an illustration by watching Inside Out. All of those things were happening and yet she's nine and the pediatrician says, hey, just to let you know, her hormones are gonna start kicking in even though her period may be a few years out. One or two years out. So there was no way to tell that she was gonna get her cycle, but her emotional health and her mental health already started sending you signs. So to me, in human development, why would that be any different when we are on the other side of the spectrum? Why would that be any different for us females? Yeah, we know that our doctors are going to tell us to be on the lookout for menopause closer to 50. But it just doesn't appear. You don't wake up one day and then just like, this happened. You know what I mean? It doesn't work like that. And a lot of things start happening because it's a gradual change. And I think that the first signs of this change has a lot to do with your emotional and your mental health. And we don't give it emphasis at all.
Kelly Berry (16:49) Mm -hmm. Thank you. Totally true. And the other thing that you said in there that I just want to point out, because it's so relatable is like when you are feeling like this, you're gonna latch on to whatever you feel like isn't working and try to place blame there. And I think I've experienced that for sure. You know, just trying to figure out like,
Maye Angelastro (17:25) Thank you.
Kelly Berry (17:33) What am I unhappy with today? Or what is the cause of my, this very unexpected shift in my mood? Or why am I so unhappy right now? And just, I'll pick anything. I'll pick all of these situations. I have to talk myself down like, well, A, B, C, D, and E are all really good. And you made these decisions intentionally. And this is where you're going. And a lot of times, even when you do that, like logic doesn't really help. So what are some, I guess, practical strategies that people can use when they're spiraling like that?
Maye Angelastro (18:04) So, CBT, right? So, cognitive behavioral therapy, really, I think that it's extremely important. That's evidence -based. But, so, I mean, obviously, I'm a therapist. I can see the benefit of having, you know, of changing the way that we see therapy. I think that it's important to visit or find a therapist just to help you in your journey and a lot of times people come to therapy thinking that I have this problem fix it. I need you to tell me how to fix this problem. Instead of looking at it like that, if you look, it's like, so this is a journey. Just like I would have loved to have a therapist to coach me or help me with postpartum or during, you know, if, if somebody would say like, you're going to go through a lot of changes and this is going to last two years. I never knew that it was going to last two years after the child was born. You know, they just go like, six months. Okay. You know, it's just, I think that being well informed in your resources, therapy being one of them, support system, having a really good support system. I think that having different female friends is, it's, it's very important. I read ones that you should have a friend in different stages of life because the one that went through it will look back and be like, this is what's happening because she went through it and she's on the other side, right? The one that's going through it is gonna help you normalize it into like, my gosh, you're going through this? So I'm not a bad mother. Like me wanting to go away for the weekend without my kids doesn't make me a bad mother. It's like, no, do you wanna go together? It was like, that would be great. You know what I mean? So having that camaraderie, it helps a lot, you know? And also when you have clients, not clients, friends, younger than you, then you can remember where you came from. You remember who you were. You're not lost. You haven't lost yourself. So a support system or a group of friends or acquaintances would be really good that you can be vulnerable with. That is a great way. And gosh, I could go on forever in different ways that you could do this. But definitely nutrition.
Maye Angelastro (20:32) I think that nutrition and a healthy lifestyle, it's extremely, extremely important. Specifically paying attention to your gut health. is definitely something that I would recommend. So the first three things that I tend to tell my client, right, they're already here. The first thing that I look into is the social support, right? Like let's talk about the support, how you're gonna be supported, who's there positive changes and the second thing that I make them do is I actually look into their nutrition. We need to talk about, tell me about your eating habits, your relationship with food, your movement. I don't necessarily call it exercise because not everybody has the time to do that but you need some sort of a movement and you don't have to go to the gym to get movement. You can get movement in different ways. So those are the things that I would say the main changes or the main things that you can focus on outside of therapy.
Kelly Berry (21:31) So to kind of bring this full circle because I think this is important for people to recognize is this something that they're dealing with? what are the things that you see people do when they're feeling like this that is a direct result really taking the time to get to the root of the problem of the way that they're Like whether it's mistakes that they are making, whether it's life changes that they decide to do and can't really undo, like what does it actually look like when it goes unresolved?
Maye Angelastro (22:10) Unfortunately, the number one, can't call it a mistake because that will be unfair, but the number one thing, decision, the number one decision that I see females do in their early 40s is initiated divorce that's the one that's most heartbreaking to me.
Kelly Berry (22:31) So have you worked with individuals who have been to that point and been able to resolve it through some of those other tactics that you just talked about? Yeah.
Maye Angelastro (22:43) Yes, so I have had clients who have been there and what we talked about is mostly what we talked about, right? Kind of like bringing awareness of what if these are the things. And I'm not saying that I'm here to change their mind, but I'm here. I feel like my job is to help that individual have all the information possible. So when they make a decision, it's the best well -informed decision given their circumstances and everything that they could have, all the possibilities. But I don't tell them what to do. I just provide information and them into whatever decision you make is gonna be well supported me. So I have seen females rethink it or postpone it or decide to say, let me make sure that I don't make a permanent decision on a temporary situation. And they wait it out, but they have to make changes or put effort and intention in these areas. And if the feeling changes meaning you feel about yourself, how you, you know, like, you know, and you aligned everything with who you are and what you want and your marriage, talking about this specific decision and your marriage doesn't align with that, then you knew that, that at that moment that client realizes that, okay, so it's not a symptom. You know, this is not a symptom. And I think that's my biggest takeaway from this session is make sure that the permanent decision or life -altering decision that you're going to make is not a symptom. Once you do the proper steps to make sure that this is not a symptom, then I think that you have made the most well -informed decision, given your information at the And I always say that because in hindsight, everything always looks different. So to me, that's very, I don't ever tell my clients In hindsight would you have done it? To me that is the most unfair assessment in the world because the answer would be yes because you wouldn't know what you know today and you can't get that information without the time. So to me, yeah, in hindsight everything is yeah of course now that you know what you know it'll be a lot easier to make that decision.
Kelly Berry (24:59) Mm -hmm, So what other, what are the other like most common things that you guess, from women our age or from just people our age in general? Like I don't want to exclude men.
Maye Angelastro (25:27) Reinventing themselves is actually like an identity crisis. That's another one. That's another big one that I see. That's less detrimental than, you know, than the divorce. You know, to the who am I? You know what I mean? The what are, you know, who, what do I want to do? Because sometimes, you know, you work so hard in your thirties that you're really in your forties reaping what you work so hard for, but the momentum it's still there. Like now you feel it's kind of like when you go to college and you work so hard and everything that you graduate college you get that degree and then you don't know what to do with your time in the transition. Are you like, my god, well, what am I going to do now that I don't have to study or read that book or study for anything, you know, or do the papers and do all this stuff? Like, what do I do? And you kind of feel bored and uneasy. Life transitions are the same way. You know, when you're in a life transition, it feels lonely and empty. And then you feel like you have to... ...revenge yourself because you need that whole... ...excitement again of doing something because you're so used to being so busy. And reinventing yourself doesn't necessarily mean that you need to undo everything that you did. It's just like, well, now that you built this up... ...how do we enjoy it? How do we create this lifestyle that matches what you created? And it doesn't have to be career doesn't have to be anything detrimental because what happens at this age is that what they want to reinvent themselves because they're not happy with what with how they feel. So like we mentioned earlier, right? We look for the things that's not working then we pick one of those things and we think that we have to make this drastic decision based on the one thing that we think is not working. The one thing that we think is the reason for how we feel only to find out later on that like, feel the same way. And this thing already changed. And that's when you're like, because it was a symptom, not a cause.
Kelly Berry (27:23) Yeah. That's a really good point. Like, if you don't change anything else except this one circumstance, I think you're gonna find yourself feeling the same way no matter what that is, whether it's a job, whether it's a relationship, whether it's where you live, you know? They're name a lot of different things the house that you live in, you know, it's like, you're really just transferring your feelings or your problems or whatever to this other thing instead of resolving it. Yeah. And I bet it feels pretty disappointing because it could probably be a lot of work to get from where you are to where you think you want to be only to find out you haven't really moved anywhere.
Maye Angelastro (28:05)Mm -hmm, correct, correct. Correct, and the time, right? Like you can't get that back. You can't get that time. Now, we're not gonna sit here and pretend that we're gonna know which way to go. I think that understanding, focusing more on the journey is more important than your outcome, right? So, and I feel like that is probably safer to kind of like gear you into what is it that's working? What is it that's not working without making permanent decisions, right? So, and now when I say permanent decisions, like, you know, like, just know that you're gonna make a decision and whatever the natural consequences of that decision is, they're intentional, right? So you just, you own it. And that's part of decision making, which is okay. when you have tried the best and you have given the best of you, I think that whatever those natural consequences, whether they're positive or negative, it's easier for you to digest. Because you knew that you did everything in your power to be the best version of yourself during that And then you, you know, whatever that outcome is, it's okay.
Kelly Berry (29:20) Mm -hmm. Yeah. Mm So what are, I guess, what is your advice to people who are feeling some of these things who maybe haven't sought out a therapist yet? Like, how do they go about doing that? How do they find somebody that's right for
Maye Angelastro (29:50) It is very important that there's articles out there on how to choose a therapist. For our age, for this journey, I think it's extremely important to focus on a therapist that is client centered. there's a lot of orientations out there and the client centered therapist will be able to meet you where you're at. You know, and gear and appreciate your journey and kind of like gear the therapy based on your journey and where you're at and the here and now. Not saying that all other type of therapy is not good. I mean, to be honest, we all use all modalities. We use DBT, we use CBT, EMDR, like, well, EMDR, you have to be trained. all of those modalities, client -centered, all of those are just modalities. So if you feel like the therapist is a good fit for you, like, you have to be comfortable with your therapist. You have to be able to be a good fit. Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, it's just not going to work. And it is okay to go, I call it dating therapist. You know, like you can have like one session with your therapist and if you didn't feel it, you can go to another therapist. I tell the clients all the times, like, listen, I'm not everybody's therapist. So if this is not a good fit, I don't take this personal. I want you to find somebody that's a good fit for you. If this is not a good fit, by all means, find a therapist that is a good fit because there will not be any growth. You'll be wasting your time. And there is enough therapists out there for everybody. So don't feel bad. Don't feel bad if that therapist is not a good fit for you. They will be okay. Therapists have therapists too. They can deal through that trauma.
Kelly Berry (31:17) Yeah, yeah, I think about that sometimes. load that I think therapists must carry when almost, I don't know, exposed to the kind of experiences and trauma and situations that other people are in, you know, always being the one to be the listener and be the...
Maye Angelastro (31:55) I mean, it isn't, it isn't, right? There's a passion for it. When we love what we do, we love what I do. I mean, I can only speak for myself, but most of the girls here also feel the same way. Like, we love what we do, right? The way that I like to describe it is when we're in session, we zoom in into somebody else's world. And then when we are done, we zoom out. And when we zoom out, the world looks different. We don't stay zoomed in because it'll be very weird for us. And that's when you will start feeling the burden. That's when you start feeling not okay because you didn't zoom out. So we always remember to zoom out. This is not the world. You know what I mean? This is just their world, their reality you zoomed in, you were invited, now you zoom out. And that's how we're able to, at least I'm able to, I can't speak for everybody, that's how I'm able to be okay with the world. I was like, it's okay. And you do see the world very different, but not necessarily in a negative way. You just see more than the average person sees.
Kelly Berry (33:05) So something I think would be really valuable for listeners is how do or how would someone prepare to have a really good therapy session?
Maye Angelastro (33:35) Asking yourself how comfortable, what level of vulnerability are you coming in with? And when you're, and you have to be honest with yourself. So having a good therapy me, when I go into therapy with a therapist that I just met, I have to believe and understand that that therapist is not there to judge me. You know, like get rid of the fear that your therapist is there to judge you. We're not here to judge you. So that's one. And then the second one is, what is my level of vulnerability? How vulnerable am I willing to be with this therapist? Because they can only help me with the information I give them. So if I don't give them all the information, I'm not being helped. And it's not that the therapist is not doing a good job is that I'm just not telling her everything. Them, because it could be a he. And when you're dishonest with yourself, you're only harming yourself. That would be the best way to come into therapy is having clear expectation not mind readers they can only help at the level story you tell them. Yes, we have ways of we have, we're trained, right? We have ways of reading body language and you know, how behavior and cognition match and things like that. But none of that is effective if you're not being vulnerable and true to yourself. I laugh because sometimes like, the decline is lying to you. And I always laugh. It's like, nobody ever lies to I remember my friends telling me like, what do you mean they don't lie to you? Yes, they are. And I was like, they're not lying to me. I'm not expecting from them, so they're lying to themselves. When you come in and you lie, that is the story you're selling yourself. Your therapist is just there to coexist with you in the world that you bring in. If it's based on a lie, then that's what you're going to get back. So lying to your therapist doesn't really harm a therapist it will harm your own therapy.
Kelly Berry (35:54) Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that that's just, it's valuable information when you think about like if you have never been to therapy or what you can expect, you know, I'm somebody who likes to be prepared and make sure like, do I need to make notes? Do I need to, you know, prepare a certain way? But I think what I'm hearing is open to being as honest as you can. Yeah, yeah.
Maye Angelastro (36:17) And be you. Be you. My favorite clients are the ones that come in my couch, take off their shoes, crisscross applesauce and be like, are you ready for this girl? I don't know you, but I'm about to tell you some stuff. I'm like, okay, we're ready. Let's go. You know, like there's a reason why almost every therapy room looks like a living room. So get comfortable and be you. And you deserve this for you. Like, if you're gonna go to therapy, give it your all.
Kelly Berry (36:50) Yeah, yeah. So before we get into wrapping up today, you and I just met probably about a month ago. I started following you on social media and on LinkedIn. And I think you put out some of the just most helpful content around things that are associated with mental health, maybe whether it's trauma or you know, relational health. And so I've seen a lot of things that you put out, like if you have this symptom, it could be X or if you have, if you're experiencing this and some of the ones that I've seen have just been like forgetfulness or being tired, you know, things that we as women may just associate with, well, I have too much on my mind or I'm tired because I'm running around all the time or whatever. But I think it is important to know that those things are more than what they might appear at face value. So what are some of these like signs that I think that a lot of women our age just they feel all the time, but they could just be so much deeper.
Maye Angelastro (37:49) Isn't it? I think you mentioned a lot of them, you know, tiredness, this fatigue that may come and forgetfulness, like very, when I mean forgetfulness, it's like, you know, like they will say mommy brain, right? I was like, it's mommy brain. But your brain does change, right? And this sense of dooms is another it's very common to be like, I just at night, I'm just, you feel uneasy or irrational fears. Is it rational fears and irrational worries? And then we try to rationalize it. One of my favorite ones is when you, it's like, what if they're not irrational? Like it is a legitimate worry. And it was like, yes, but it's irrational because of how much emphasis you're putting into this one worry. You know what I mean? So irrational fears, irrational worries, fatigue. You're eating habits, sleep hygiene. my God, that is so important. Your sleep hygiene is so I can talk forever about sleep hygiene because beauty sleep is a thing. It is a thing if you don't sleep enough, just disrupts your entire day. And I'm going to tell you really quick why. So let's say you had a very stressful day. So you released this hormone called cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone. Until cortisol is regulated or has been handled, melatonin cannot be released. That is your sleep hormone. So this is why when you're heightened throughout the day, you're not going to be able to sleep because melatonin wasn't released because cortisol is too high. And people don't know that if you drink vitamin B complex, it regulates your cortisol. So there's so many things that we don't know that we feel that we can attribute it to aging, mother brain, anything, because some of the symptoms is not enough to disrupt your day -to -day life. So it goes untreated. And then when you can no longer sleep because you have insomnia or you gain weight because you overate because you're coping with food or because your eating habit changed or you're losing too much weight and until it becomes a problem you don't do anything about it and then it's like an onion that you have to peel so many layers to get to the root of the problem because the root of the problem came up a long time ago and now it manifests in physically, emotionally, mentally spiritually in all ways because the body have been talking to you. We just ignored it.
Kelly Berry (40:42) Mm -hmm. Yeah. I mean, one of the many things I love about you and your approach is how it is holistic. You know, you do look at diet and sleep and food. And personally, I'm somebody who feels like you can almost treat anything with food. You know, like, yeah. You know, and I say that like, I'm not a clinician, I'm not a doctor, I'm not anything, but I do understand the role that food plays in your life. And the more crap you put in, the more crap you're gonna get not eating enough, not eating a balanced diet, not, you know, all of the things. But I feel like that holistic approach where you're looking at sleep, you're looking at food, you're looking at other ways besides just a prescription or something else you know, a tangent here, but I had a conversation with a friend the other day and, you know, we're talking about our age and hormones and anxiety and all of these things. And it's like, you know, you go to a doctor and they're prescribing anxiety medicine for you so that you can now perform to the level of this life that you've built instead of stopping to help you look at this life that you've built to see, okay, what can we change or how can we solve the root issue instead of just now.
Maye Angelastro (41:59) The interesting part of all that is that anxiety and slash depression medication they the ones that are They're not bentos the one that's that your Xanax is your bentos, right?
Kelly Berry (42:09) Basically making you be able to handle all of the things in your life instead of vice versa.
Maye Angelastro (42:28) They're SSRIs and they're called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. And that's what they give you for the combination and depression. And the interesting part is that serotonin is created in your gut and then is sent to your brain. It's not something that is created in your brain. It's in your gut. So if it's created in your gut and your stomach is not okay. It's going to interrupt, it's going to do something to the quality of your serotonin or the production of the serotonin and things like that. And that is the serotonin is what is linked to depression and anxiety, right? So I was just having this conversation with my best friend yesterday who is a nurse and she's going to see a gastro. And she has been talking, asking me what to do. She's still starting to feel anxious and having this anxiety, but she doesn't feel anxious. She doesn't have a reason to be. And she's the same, our age. And I was like, welcome. Yep, this is what we're all gonna go through. she's now not digesting properly. And I said to her, I'm like, listen, just to give you advice, sometimes the anxiety is not the cause. It might be a symptom of your digestive system. So start changing your food, start changing your nutrition and see how that affects your anxiety. Because sometimes you would just go and the GI doctor is gonna be like, you're fine, you don't have any medical conditions. Because that is one thing that many of us Americans, I have to stick this to Americans, that we do not understand about our healthcare system. We are a, we're not under preventive care. We are, you know, we respond to something. We are, my God, the word escaped me, but. We wait for the problem and then we cure it. Like we're cure based. But in order for us to cure it, we need a problem. So we don't prevent the problem. So your doctor cannot treat you for something you don't have, so he's going to wait for you to have it and then treat you. Whereas if you go to preventive care, it's like, okay, well, obviously something is not working. I don't want to get to the problem in order for me to cure it. I want to prevent it. And I said to her, I was like change your lifestyle, change your food, pay attention to your digestive system, probiotic, probiotic, like all of that. Like there's just so much that goes into it. I can go on and on and on on this topic because it's so, it's tailored to so many things and there's so many research out there that can back this up.
Kelly Berry (45:00) Yeah. I too could go on and on and on about it. And I love, it's something I love to learn about. You know, gut health is, it's so interesting to me. You know, I've listened to a lot of podcasts and I've read a lot of books on it, but the power that your gut has over your mind, over your body, over your relationships, over all of these things that you just don't, you just don't realize. And it's, I'll say, you know, it's kind of complex. So it's, It just seems like hard to wrap your head around sometimes, but yeah, it's, it is a common thread through so many, I guess, problems, issues and things that preventable to some degree or, able to treat it in different ways through food and not medicine. So yeah, yeah, I love it. Yeah.
Maye Angelastro (46:01) Absolutely.
Kelly Berry (46:05) So what else do you have that's little goodies for our listeners, little tactics or tricks or things for any of the issues we've talked about today that people can kind of take control?
Maye Angelastro (46:19) If you know a good functional doctor, definitely it's worth it. You know, I think that integrative medicine is great. I, the biggest change I saw in my life was when I actually put myself in the hands of my endocrinologist, which is my friend, who she is. But see, this is the thing though, like it's outside of insurance, right? So the moment that I went outside of my insurance, I start feeling better. And I'm not saying that the doctors are not doing their jobs. I just, unfortunately, this type of care is not paid for by, it's not covered by insurance. So I say if there's a functional doctor, functional medicine that you can get yourself with or can start getting treated, I think that at this age, that will be the number one thing that I would tell any female our age is like, listen,start getting yourself treated by integrative medicine, you know, because that's what changed for me. I got healthier in the last year under her care, you know, and it was amazing. And the last, you know, like even to a point where she was like, hey, the last component was what I just spoke to you. It's like, so we can be, this is hormonal changes are starting to, you're not, you know, you're not a menopausal, but you will be premenopausal but not to the levels that it would show up in blood tests. But we could, but she would do the blood tests. Like we would do the blood tests just to make sure where the numbers are so we can see. And it doesn't necessarily have to be treated with hormone therapy, but we can do certain things naturally to alleviate the symptoms. So I would definitely recommend that step.
Kelly Berry (47:46) I love that. I think, you know, the more you know, the more power you have over the decisions that you can make. So yeah, this was great. Thank you so much for your wisdom and for sharing. I think that, you know, just very relatable topics and something that we're probably not sitting down at coffee with our friends and talking about on a regular basis, but maybe this will spark some people to do that. And...
Maye Angelastro (48:13) Yes.
Kelly Berry (48:35) You know, make sure they're not the only ones feeling like they need a weekend respite from their life.
Maye Angelastro (48:42) Hey, there and now maybe I'll just start doing retreats and it would just be us females in the hotel room staring at the sunset.
Kelly Berry (48:46) Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but also, yeah, but also, you know, for people to know if that's the way they're feeling like it's okay. You know, it's okay. And something's not wrong with you. Something's not wrong with your situation or something's not wrong with your life. to your point, yeah, to your point, like knowing that that's what it is and then being able to be intentional about it and include your support system in you know, whatever decision you make or whatever You need so that people can help that your help make sure you're taking care of you Yeah, well, thank you so much this has been awesome we'll pick some more topics I can't wait to get some feedback on this and we'll pick some more topics and have you back and dig into those, too
Maye Angelastro (49:18) Mm -hmm. Correct. Yeah, I am definitely always down to have these conversations. The more we talk, the more knowledge goes out there.
Kelly Berry (49:43) Okay. Great. Well, I am going to include Maye’s, I know I just talked about her social media and her LinkedIn and how much great content she puts out. So I'm going to put her links and I encourage you all to follow her, engage with her if you're looking for a therapist. You know, she is licensed in Florida. I know I have a lot of listeners in Florida, but she and her team can also do coaching outside of Florida. And, you know, if you are just curious, reach out and she'll make sure you get connected to the resource that you're looking for. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. It was a great conversation and we will talk to you again later. Bye.
Maye Angelastro (50:16) Absolutely. Thank you.
Kelly Berry is a strategic business leader and business coach. She is known for her operational excellence and her ability to drive growth and results across multiple industries.
She is also hosting her own podcast, Life Intended.
